This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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