I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
