piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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