I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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