Can Purell be used as lube?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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