I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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