Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
