New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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