i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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