It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
