i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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