sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
