3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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