every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
