I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
