we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Terrible idea I love it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
