Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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