No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
