im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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