6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
