Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it glows. i had to have it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
