im drinking this country out of the recession.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
