Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
