Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
