I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
