this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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