paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My dick has a subreddit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
