He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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