Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
