She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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