I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
