A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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