my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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