if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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