Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
More tranny stories later!
Soap is not a condiment
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?