god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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