I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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