Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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