i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
