Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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