i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
