Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize