I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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