Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
