no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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