GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
