If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
