I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
