i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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