Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
