I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
