Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
