I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
