Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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