What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
