Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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