my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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