you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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