somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize