i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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