Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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