Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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