And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
