I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
