you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
