So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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