I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
