Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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